


Habits of My Heart

by Almost_Angel



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Short Chapters, Soulmates, slower burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-08-30 07:46:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8524510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Almost_Angel/pseuds/Almost_Angel
Summary: Lukas and Philip still go to the cabin and still kiss. Except this time they don't see the murders. It's only bad luck that they still somehow end up getting involved. [Soulmate AU, starts right before Lukas and Philip meet]





	1. Grief

There was a loose thread on the therapist’s sweater. Philip’s fingers itched to reach out and snap it off. The sweater itself was an ugly green color that reminded him too much of the bruises that bloomed along his mom’s arm when she OD’d. The sleeves were rolled up the therapist’s forearms to reveal smooth dark skin. All Philip could see was bruises and track marks.

“Philip?”

His eyes peered up to look at the therapist. He vaguely recalled her introducing herself as ‘Karen’. The worst part about all of this was how sincere Karen was being. Her eyes were brown, warm and understanding. It made Philip feel sick to his stomach.

“Do you want to talk now? We’ve been quiet for ten minutes. If this is how you want to spend sessions then that’s fine, but I think it might help if we at least chat.” Karen smiled, typing something on her computer.

Philip just nodded slowly, numbly. “Okay,” He finally agreed voice hoarse with disuse. “What should we talk about?”

“Anything you want to talk about is fine.” When that seemed to make Philip hunch into himself protectively, Karen took a different approach. “Alright, how about we start with why you’re here?”

Philip stared dully at the loose thread, fingers twitching again. When he realized he was doing that, he instead reached up to his throat and touched his soulmark soothingly. Karen’s eyes watched the movement with interest until he forced himself to stop.

He licked his lips once, nodding. “Okay. It’s been a week,” He started, hand moving to his knee. Karen nodded encouragingly. “It’s been a week since Helen and Gabe took me in because my mom OD’d. The court decided she couldn’t take care of me anymore so they took me away.” The _grief _overwhelmed him to the point that he could hardly get the words out.__

__Karen nodded, typing again on the computer. It made the pain of Philip’s loss feel more distant and unimportant. He wasn’t sure how that thought made him feel._ _

__“Did you think she could take care of you?” The tapping of the computer keys finally stopped and Karen’s question broke through the fog in his mind._ _

__Philip remembered his mom on the ground, motionless; he could picture the drool and vomit on the corners of her lips. She had looked so achingly weak. Philip hadn’t even had time to feel scared because all he could think about was the fact that he needed to save her. He was the only one who could save her._ _

__“No.” He replied quietly. “I don’t think that she could’ve taken care of me. It doesn’t mean I don’t think its bullshit that they made me leave her.”_ _

__Karen didn’t seem surprised by his language. She just made another note before looking at him. The soft look in her eyes made his chest clench up._ _

__“I think it’s my fault.” He finally breathed. His eyes stung and he wiped his eyes with the back of his palm. “She was doing better. I swear she was. Mom promised to get her act together and she was okay for about a month. I was only gone for an hour and she--” He cut himself off, lips pursed._ _

__Karen wrote something down again, and then she shut her computer off and set it to the side. “Philip, a lot of patients have walked through my office and they think the exact same things that you think. They think that if they were there sooner, things would be different. If they hadn’t gone to school that day, if they hadn’t taken their dad’s car, but I’m telling you that it is not your fault. It’s nobody’s fault and thinking that way will only hurt you.”_ _

__Philip stayed silent, watching the thread on Karen’s sweater sway tauntingly. When Karen realized he wasn’t going to speak, she sighed. “I think our session is done for the day.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt sent by [Lukaswaldenbabe](http://lukaswaldenbabe.tumblr.com/): Grief
> 
> Come hang out with me on [Tumblr](http://philipsheabeck.tumblr.com/) and send prompts for the next chapters to my ask! [Prompts should be a word or phrase, because it's words that will be included in the chapter]


	2. Lust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philip and Lukas meet..

Philip laid on his bed, listening to the sounds of Gabe and Helen whispering. He knew they were attempting to be quiet because they didn’t want to wake him but he had been awake for hours. It was his first day of school, and he was considering pretending to be sick.

He gently touched his soulmark in comfort, feeling pulsing warmth coming up from it. Sometimes it felt as though the soulmark was a separate entity. It was odd to think that someday his soulmate would say these words to him.

About eighty percent of the world’s population had soulmarks. Nobody knew why there were some people who didn’t have soulmarks. Some speculated that it was because they had no soul, but that was ridiculous. His mom didn’t have a soulmark and she was one of the kindest people he knew.

He heard Helen and Gabe giggling in the other room and rolled his eyes fondly. They were each other’s soulmates. Along Helen’s elbow were the words: You’re a cop? Gabe had his words circling his wrist: You’ve never seen a woman as a cop before?

Then of course, there were Philip’s words: Why are you in my seat?

They weren’t exactly the most romantic first words your soulmate said to you. Philip was five when his words were finally legible on his throat and he had cried when he read them.

Philip sighed. He should probably skip school if his thoughts were going to be centered on things he couldn’t change all day. It wouldn’t even be that difficult. He felt nauseous constantly these days. He heard a knock at his door and with a glance at his clock saw it was about six thirty.

“Philip?” Helen called out quietly. “School is in an hour. I thought maybe you’d want some breakfast beforehand.”

He couldn’t imagine stomaching anything right now, but he didn’t want to disappoint Helen. “I’m coming.” He slipped on some pants, a t-shirt and an old jacket that his mom had gotten for him last year.

Gabe grinned, and ruffled his hair when he sat down. “Morning Philip, are you excited for school today?”

Philip raised an eyebrow then shrugged. “I guess.” He grabbed his fork and poked at the egg on his plate. When he saw Helen watching him, he scooped some into his mouth. Then he nodded expression serious. “Mm, yeah, these are delicious Helen.” He assured her around a mouthful.

Helen laughed, shaking her head. “Well don’t put so much in there that you’ll choke.” She rubbed Philip’s shoulder before squeezing it hard. “If school is too much for you today,” She hesitated before visibly strengthening her resolve. “If school is too much for you today then you can always call me and we can go get some ice cream or something.”

Philip nodded, weakly attempting to smile. “Yeah sure, but I think I’ll be okay. I’m ready.”

Helen nodded and breakfast continued in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. “Do you need a ride to school?” Helen asked, putting on her Sheriffs vest.

Philip shook his head. “Nah, I mean in the city I always took my bike so…” He looked out the window towards his old bike which was laid lovingly against a tree. It was one of his only connections to home right now. Even though the city was probably less than two hours away, it felt so much longer.

Helen looked like she wanted to protest, but she held back. “Okay just,”

“I’ll call you if I feel like I can’t do it.” Philip promised her, standing up from the table. “I’ll see you both later!”

After about ten minutes of the sun beating down on him, Philip felt hot in his jacket. In the city no matter how warm the weather was the wind kept everything cold. He thought about taking the jacket off but it was a comfortable weight on his shoulders. It made him feel safe.

Philip saw the school coming up and nerves swelled in his throat. He vaguely recalled Karen telling him that when the panic became overwhelming he needed to take deep breaths. He inhaled sharply then exhaled, and continued that way until he came to the bike rack.

Even though this was a small town, Philip could already sense who the rich kids were. They seemed to have cocky expressions, their shoulders were pushed back in pride and sneer masked smiles were on their lips. It was so different from the city where everyone could care less.

Philip missed the city. He missed his mom and he just wanted to be at home, even if home was a dingy apartment barely big enough to fit two bedrooms, a kitchen and a bathroom.

Philip sighed, pulling his schedule out from his pocket. His first period was government with Malley. At least that was right next to his locker. Philip walked around slowly, observing the school. He was in no rush to get to class. The thought of being trapped inside a classroom when all this shit was happening made him wince.

When the bell rang, the urge to skip was overwhelming but he didn’t want to make Helen and Gabe upset. Not to mention he didn’t want to have to talk about it with Karen, who would no doubt nitpick at every single decision he made today.

Mr. Malley pointed him in the general direction of a seat in the back of the classroom, though he eyed Philip with distrust. Philip wondered what about himself gave off the look at he was untrustworthy. Some students peered up at him causing a steady flush to come to Philip’s cheeks.

It felt like they knew that he was a city kid, and a druggie’s son. It felt as if they knew he was gay and while that hadn’t mattered before, it seemed as though gay was a word you couldn’t speak aloud here.

Philip kept his eyes on the ground, trying to blend into the background like he could in the city.

“Hey, are you new?” A pretty dark skin girl looked up at him with a small smile on her face. Philip blinked then nodded. “I’m Rose. The seat right next to me is empty if you want to sit there.” Philip saw a peak of cursive behind her ear but he looked away. It was impolite to stare at people’s soulmarks.

“Yeah sure, thanks.” Philip laid his things down and took a seat. The two descended into an awkward silence until Rose spoke up again.

“Where did you move from?”

Philip swallowed back the bitter taste in his mouth. “Uh it’s just a couple of hours away in the city actually.” Rose nodded though Philip wasn’t exactly sure what she was nodding too.

“Do you miss it?” Rose asked him curiously, and then blushed. “You don’t need to answer that. It’s just that I’ve never moved before. My family is from the town and its home, you know?”

Philip did know. It was what he was missing from the city. “I miss it a little bit. A change of scenery is nice though, and it’s a quiet town.” He explained this and Rose nodded again as if he was making sense. Who wanted to live in a quiet town where nothing ever happened?

Rose looked towards the door suddenly, a sincere grin coming to her face. “That’s my boyfriend Lukas. His family is pretty big in this town. You know the Waldenbeck’s?” How was he supposed to know somebody when he had moved here a week ago?

Philip glanced up and instantly felt heat stir in his navel. Lukas had soft blonde hair, a strong jaw, and a thin nose. He was dressed in jeans and a plaid shirt. Normally, Philip’s eyes would pass over a boy like this. He didn’t appear to be anything special but _lust _rushed through him, burning him to the core.__

__Philip averted his eyes and took his headphones out, popping them in his ears. He was terrible for even thinking of this when he had just talked to the guy’s girlfriend. Philip turned his music up until it blocked out the noise of those around him, and then looked up again at Lukas._ _

__It was his brown eyes that caught Philip’s attention. They were expressive and wide. He was smiling when he saw Rose, then he saw Philip and did a double take._ _

__Rose’s mouth moved in what was probably an introduction between the two of them so Philip nodded at Lukas in acknowledgment._ _

__Lukas’s eyes swept up Philip’s torso and he wondered what Lukas was seeing. His eyes were friendly when they made eye contact._ _

__Then Lukas said something to him, but Philip didn’t quite catch the words. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you.” He apologized, taking one headphone out._ _

__Lukas blinked at him in surprise for a moment, and then visibly shook himself out of whatever he had been thinking. “It’s no big deal. This seat is open too.”_ _

__He sat down in the other seat beside Rose and Philip blinked in confusion. Rose laughed. “Don’t worry, Lukas is just being Lukas.” She murmured to Philip. She looked thoughtfully at Lukas for a moment and almost concerned, but truthfully Philip wasn’t paying much attention at that point because class was starting._ _

__It made Philip calmer to know that maybe he could actually make friends while he was here._ _

__

__

__Not that it ended up mattering. Philip knew you couldn’t keep secrets in small towns but he wasn’t expecting things to spread so quickly. It turned out that some sophomore’s mom worked for social service and she spilled Philip’s whole case to her son. By the time lunch came around, everybody knew Philip’s situation._ _

__When Philip was looking for a table to eat at, he made eye contact with Rose and Lukas who promptly looked away and ignored him. He thought maybe he should feel hurt, but honestly, he hadn’t expected anything less._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt sent by [Jasmine](http://explosvies.tumblr.com/): Lust
> 
> Come hang out with me on [Tumblr](http://philipsheabeck.tumblr.com/) and send prompts for the next chapters to my ask or on a comment below! [Prompts should be a word or phrase, because it's words that will be included in the chapter]


	3. Sunset

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody! Sorry this chapter took a bit of time. I got sick and wasn't feeling up to it. Thank you to my beta [Drakebruceramsay](http://drakebruceramsay.tumblr.com/) for editing this chapter! I hope you all enjoy it!

After that first day of school, Philip’s expectations sank considerably and he mostly just floated through the next few weeks. It was easy when he blended into the background.

Once everyone found out he was a druggie’s son, they either avoided his eyes in disgust or tried to score drugs through him. He would just stare blankly at those who asked for drugs until the silence was too much for them and they left.

The foster situation wasn’t too bad overall. Gabe and Helen were nice and he could tell Helen was trying her best to connect with him. He had another couple of sessions with Karen as the weeks went by, but the conversations didn't go anywhere but around in circles.

Karen would just watch him with those warm, understanding eyes while he made eye contact with the floor. He knew she was concerned about the fact that he wasn’t making any friends. Helen and Gabe were worried too, but It wasn’t anything new. Philip hadn't had friends in the city either, but at least he had had his mom. Without the responsibility of taking care of her, Philip felt as if his purpose was just gone. Unsure of what to do when he didn't have to wait up at night for her to come home or fix her the small meals she knew she'd eat.

 

“Do you need a ride to school Philip?” Helen asked hopefully. She had been his fostering him for three weeks now and Philip hadn’t accepted a ride to school yet. It seemed weird when he had been riding his bike his whole life.

He looked outside at the drizzling rain and then at Helen’s encouraging expression. “Sure,” He agreed finally. He grabbed a bandage from the counter and placed it carefully over his soulmark before going out to the car.

It was quiet for a few moments before Helen began talking,

“So, have you met anyone at school yet?”

Philip bit his lip, “I mean I’ve met people in my classes,”

Helen laughed, shaking her head, “No I mean any cute girls?” Philip had to resist wrinkling his nose.

In theory, some of the girls were nice looking, but there wasn’t anything about girls that did it for him. His mind shot to Lukas instead.

That was the one thing in this town that still puzzled him. Lukas was in a few of his classes and he normally ignored Philip, just as the rest of the school did. Except there were times when Lukas’ eyes burned into the back of Philip’s head or, even worse, his neck where his soulmark was.

Lukas continually searched for Philip throughout the day, always looking at Philip with curiosity in his eyes.

It wasn’t the curiosity that bothered Philip. It was the times when loneliness seeped from the edges of Lukas’s expression, for just seconds, before he managed to wrangle it into control.

Philip hated that he recognized that loneliness but he was more confused about why he wanted to soothe it.

“Oh I know that face. Gabe always made that same face when he looked at me,” Helen teased, looking fond.

Philip smiled and shook his head, “No, there’s no girl, I promise.” He subconsciously touched his mark, fingers grazing the rough bandage.

“You know you don’t have to meet your soulmate anytime soon. You should go have fun, meet people.” Helen attempted to comfort him in a soothing tone. Philip yanked his hand back from his mark like it burned. “Are your first words that bad?”

Philip shook his head, “No, they’re pretty normal, I think.”

They were getting closer to the school now and rain was still pattering against the windows of the car. The clouds were rolling in dark grays that billowed across the sky in an attempt to cover any possibility of color. He wondered where the colors from the _sunset _last night were. Philip honestly just hoped the rain wouldn’t flood the roads so he couldn’t ride his bike.__

__“Well at least you aren’t stuck with something atrocious. I knew a girl that had the mark, ‘get out of my way you skanky bitch,’” Helen told him, pulling up to the school._ _

__“Classy,” Philip chuckled, shaking his head as he moved to get out of the car, “Thanks for the ride Helen!” She gave him a small wave, making Philip smile. Maybe things were beginning to look up._ _

__

__It became clear fairly quick that this day was going to take a turn for the worst. Philip was walking to his locker when he noticed Steve and his friends standing around it. Steve had attempted to get drugs from Philip about two weeks ago and wasn’t exactly happy when Philip said he wouldn't supply._ _

__It made Philip feel even more uncomfortable when he noticed that Steve’s soulmark was bared today. It read in spiky handwriting along the line of his jaw: You’re disgusting.  
Philip wondered why he kept it bared when it was obvious that Steve’s soulmate wasn’t going to care for him._ _

__“Hey Steve,” He greeted quietly, and then nodded to each of the guys in turn._ _

__Steve smirked meanly, chin tilted up so his soulmark was right in front of Philip’s face. “We’ve heard rumors about you Shea,” Philip sighed but didn’t say anything. That was another bad thing about small towns. The rumors spread like wild fires, too quick for Philip to keep track of._ _

__“You like being bent over, Shea?” Another boy asked, pushing Philip’s shoulder hard enough that he flailed backwards a few steps._ _

__“You think I’m gay, ” Philip stared at them drearily, voice flat._ _

__“Your mom must have screwed you up real bad,” Steve hissed gleefully, shoving Philip’s shoulder again. Philip’s face burned in shame when he noted other students watching, “All those drugs got to her head. I bet you do drugs too Shea. Everybody here knows it.”_ _

__“I need to get to class,” Philip tried walking around them, but someone stuck their foot out and he tripped over it, falling down to his knees. He bit his lip to keep from grunting at the dull throb that shot through up legs when he hit the hard linoleum tiles._ _

__“He’s not even denying it,” Someone put their foot on his back, pushing him hard into the ground. Philip’s face hit the ground hard and he hissed in pain, feeling blood dribble down his nose and lips. He faintly heard the bell ring and the foot released him._ _

__Philip sat up, sleeve pressed to his nose. Steve smiled tutting,_ _

__“You should get that wiped up, it's getting everywhere,” Everyone walked to their classes with a few glances in his direction before he was the only one left in the hallway._ _

__He sat on the floor in shock, grimacing once the bitter taste of copper hit his tongue,_ _

__“Shit,” He groaned, voice muffled by the his sleeve he jet pressed under his nose in attempt to stop the blood._ _

__“You okay?”_ _

__Philip blinked up in surprise, watching as Lukas knelt beside him, frowning with distaste. Of course Lukas was looking around to make sure nobody saw them together. Nobody wanted to be associated with the gay boy here._ _

__“Yeah, m’fine,” Philip stood, shakily, grabbing his backpack and hoisting it over his shoulder._ _

__Lukas’s face twisted in disgust, “You’re going to want to wash that off. It’s all over your chin,"_ _

__Philip rolled his eyes, walking past Lukas towards the bathroom. He desperately tried to ignore the warmth that heated his chest,_ _

__“Yeah, obviously,” He thought that was the end of that until he heard footsteps behind him._ _

__“Hey, so you’re good at photography right?” Lukas asked, running his fingers through his hair. At Philip’s incredulous look, he shook his head and explained, “I heard the photography teacher talking about it the other day."_ _

__Philip stared at him, before shrugging and continuing his walk,_ _

__“Yeah I like photography. Why do you ask?”_ _

__Lukas looked around the hallway nervously, as if someone might come around the corner any minute. This was ridiculous._ _

__“Look, I need to clean this off and get to class, So if you have something you want, then I need to know before the day is over,” There was silence for a few seconds before Lukas nodded. A tuft of blonde hair swayed adorably on Lukas’s forehead for a moment before he brushed it away. It was frustratingly endearing._ _

__“I do motocross,” He started finally, “and I’m starting to get a couple of sponsors but they want to see information on my channel. I need someone to film what I’m doing and make it look good. I’m not really good with technology stuff so...” He trailed off, looking hopeful, subconsciously nipping at his lip._ _

__Philip knew it was a bad idea. Lukas Waldenbeck was a traill of bad ideas and Philip wasn’t sure if he wanted to go down that path. Philip sighed, and then stuck his hand out,_ _

__“Give me your phone.”_ _

__Lukas appeared confused, but he still handed it over. Philip typed his contact information and handed the phone back,_ _

__“I really need to go get this cleaned off, but text me and I’ll see what I can do.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt sent by anon on tumblr: Sunset
> 
> Come hang out with me on [Tumblr](http://philipsheabeck.tumblr.com/) and send prompts for the next chapters to my ask!


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